Mars vs Venus: How Men Network Better Than Women

In 1992, the book men are from Mars. Women are from Venus, was published. It quickly became a best seller. And its title became a catch phrase to describe why there was a fundamental language barrier between the sexes. Because we hail from different planets. And it's a load of horse shit. Welcome to episode 35, where I break down how this idea that men and women are so different from each other. Has perpetuated stereotypes that have led us to network and fundamentally different ways. This episode is sponsored by Nickerson. A full service, branding, marketing, and PR and communications agency with team members in Boston. LA Miami and New York city. Getting right down to brass tacks, the idea that men and women differ fundamentally in the way they communicate is completely false. We actually have 30 years of research on language and communication to dispel this belief. But unfortunately, Having a catchy saying like men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Tends to spread false hoods and overshadow facts. Therefore shaping our beliefs in a distorted way. And when things that are so fundamentally false shape our beliefs, there are real world consequences in life. And in business. Even though it's been scientifically proven that men and women communicate in almost exactly the same way. Were studies showing that the difference between the way men and women communicate amounts to one 10th of one standard deviation, which is statistician speak for like negligible as in too small to measure, literally no difference. These perceived differences have led us to network and completely different ways from each other. And men, you are doing it better than women in a number of different ways. If you are listening to this podcast, you already know that networking can have a huge impact on your life and your career. That's no secret. Knowing how to build relationships and leverage your connections will help you get to positions of power, increase your success, make you happier at work and build friendships. Just to name a few. So how are men networking differently than women? And why is what they are doing so much better than what women are doing. One of the first fundamental differences is that men tend to build large, broad and diverse networks. They understand that the more people they know, the more opportunities they will be exposed to. So they build looser, but more transactional networks. This is important for a number of reasons. Remember, episode two, where I taught you how to analyze your network. And we discussed the circles of five, 15, 50, and a hundred. Well, men are really good at filling those circles, especially that circle of a hundred, that outer network. When women build networks, they tend to build smaller, more social networks. Having a social network is not a bad thing, but women need to learn how to use their networks to help advance themselves and others. This plays into the next difference, and that men are not afraid to ask their connections for help or advancement, even their loose connections, but women are so afraid that they will appear weak or be seen as exploiting their network, that they failed to state what they want. Ask for help getting it and use their connections to leverage greater success. Remember, you're not exploiting someone if they agree to help you. And if you work to repay the favor. In episode two, I also talked about the importance of having a top five. Five people that are invested in your success and help you achieve success. Our recent study conducted by the Kellogg school of management states that women need a close inner circle of women in their professional networks. In fact, and I quote 77% of the highest achieving women in the study had strong ties with an inner circle of two to three other women. The research also showed that the women who form a strong inner circle with other women who can share career advice. Are nearly three times more likely to get a better job than women who don't have that support system unquote. Women. You need to get comfortable talking strategically about business and money with other women. Talking about money is not taboo making money because you are good at your job. And like what you do and have a network of people around you who are invested in your success is not a sin either. You do not have to kill yourself to be successful. Having that trusted inner circle will help you get there. Another difference is that women have a tendency to network with people who are at the same career level as themselves. Men have no problem networking with the leadership within their companies. This kind of networking allows them to have access to day to day support, stretch projects, access to promotions, coaching on office politics. The list goes on. Women need to network their way into the leadership within their organizations. They need to not shy away from building these relationships. The statistics back this up. Uh, 2018 women in the workplace study by McKinsey and company and lean in.org showed that for every 79 women who are promoted, 100 men are promoted. This is not because men are the superior gender. It's not because they communicate better and it's not because they're better at the job is because they build relationships and put themselves in the position to be noticed. Another difference is women tend to undervalue their professional worth and what they can offer the people in their network. So many of my clients are blind to what they can offer people in their network. And a sentence that I hear over and over again is I don't know why anybody want to be in my network or talk to me or meet me or build a relationship with me. And my answer is, are you fucking kidding me? You have more gifts than you give yourself credit for, and you can always find a way to be a positive addition to someone's network. Now. Let's address the elephant in the room as far as one of the major differences between how men and women network. Women tend to take on more of the familial and home responsibilities, which can make it difficult to make it to early morning or after work networking events. Back to that top five of yours. Remember that your spouse or life partner, your boo, your schnookums, whatever you want to call it. That person needs to be one of your top five. Meaning your spouse or partner needs to be invested in your success. One person's career can not Trump the other. Advocating for yourself in business begins by advocating for yourself at home. There needs to be parody in your ability to invest the time in creating your network and your career. Now. Onto a fund difference and that is golf then no golf is a fantastic networking tool and they use it. Women are so intimidated by golf and they shouldn't be because as soon as you get out there and start golfing, you will realize that most of the men suck at golf too. I've built so many relationships and talked to so much business on the golf, a golf course. It's ridiculous. But so many women have no idea what learning to golf can do for their networking and business strategy. Women and men network differently in a number of ways. But the ones that I mentioned are the big ones, the most impactful and the most damaging ones that women need to think about as they build their networks and their networking strategies. It's starting to feel like spring here in the Northeast, which has led to a number of conversations with the women and men in my network over the past week. About when are we going to get back out on the golf course? It seems that we're all itching to get back on the links. Me, I'm also itching to get back to the 19th hole. And because of that, the drink of the week is the John Daley, which is a spiked Arnold Palmer, both drinks named after golfers. It's easy. It's just iced tea, lemonade, and vodka. And you can dress this up. However you want. You don't have to use plain baka, which in my opinion, tastes like absolutely nothing but heat. You can use sweet tea, vodka, lemon. Vodka get crazy with it. I don't care. For the ladies listening. If you hadn't started golfing yet with this cocktail, you can at least start drinking. Like you've started golfing. Start here and then sign up for some golf lessons. Okay. Each week I ask you to review the podcast. So I want to give a shout out to CC baby for their five star review that says, Julie is the real deal. When it comes to growing your network authentically. She doesn't hold back and is even helping introverts like me improve their networking skills. Thanks so much CC baby for that review. I really, really, really appreciate it. If you haven't had a chance to review the podcast, please take a moment to do so. Okay fam. Thank you for being here for listening, for sharing this podcast with your friends and being part of my network, I will see you next week.